“I wanted to flock to something that was constant, and work was constant for me, and I was good at work. I could dive right in, so for me, it was blinders. I remember my sister was pronounced dead, and I grabbed my laptop and started working by her bedside table”
In this episode of The UNCrushed Podcast, Lindsey Boggs discusses the loss of her sister and the mental breakdown that soon followed. Running away from the trauma with distractions, and the recognition that she needed helped turned things around. She discusses her processes for grief, and tells of how she overcame with the help of support from therapy, family, and the colleagues and coworkers that supported her in her time of need.
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video TIMESTAMPS
0:00 – Introductions to Lindsey. What brought her to UNCrushed?
1:35 – Where is your courage to face this coming from? The death of my sister and how it changed me. Diving into work to get away from the trauma. Clinging to our support systems for comfort
7:08 – Being open about my mental health. How my company handled my family loss. “Come back when you can.”
11:07 – What our 100% looks like after a traumatic event. We put a lot of pressure on ourselves to get over it. Bouncing back took therapy and a mental hospital. Career was first, but now my priorities are aligned. Quality over quantity
16:32 – Sometimes you just have to be an ear in times of loss. Lindsey’s champions are her life line. She speaks to them every day. They get her through. You can’t be all of someone’s happiness, but you can be a contributor
24:49 – Lindsey’s message for the UNCrushed audience. Be vulnerable, take that first step, get the help you need. Writing your story helps to get it out of your body
27:27 – Sunshine and rainbows turns to darkness. So many people have reached out and said that my story has helped them. That makes all my risk worth it
32:43 – The grieving process. Unhealthy looking back at photos
33:42 – How one contacts Lindsey. UNCrushed sign-off
FULL Transcript
James Buckley:
In today’s episode of the UNCrushed podcast, we spoke with Lindsey Boggs. Lindsey has really had a hard hit. She lost somebody really close to her. That’s a tough thing. When we talked to her, you can see the emotion very clearly. You can hear it flow from her voice. This is an important piece because our emotional status dictates our productivity and our progress throughout our careers. I think that loss has a super special place for our growth pattern and when Lindsey describes the steps that she took to continue to press forward, you can see that it was a real effort for her to make the right choices for her life, her family, her goals, and her career. So enjoy the Lindsey’s story and please reach out to us and keep telling us yours. Tell me a little bit about mental health to you. What does it mean? How do you define it? What is it? How does it impact your life every day? I know that UNCrushed started a few weeks ago, a few months ago, and you were sort of one of the first people that we were really excited to bring on board. And have tell your story, but there’s a reason that you were really adamant about getting involved. Tell me a little bit about that.
Lindsey Boggs:
Yeah, great. So we actually started last October. Um, so it’s almost been a year and we really founded the company because a lot of us have gone through, the founders have gone through a lot of trauma in their lives and we came together to find a place to collaborate and share stories and most importantly get help and be able to talk about mental health. I grew up in a family where we really didn’t talk about mental health because we were pretty much happy go lucky my whole life. I had a really great childhood, I had a really great upbringing. And then, uh, when my sister passed away in 2016, tragically my life fell apart and so I didn’t know where to turn and I knew that I wanted to help people because I didn’t want people to go through the path that I had gone through, which was ending up in a mental hospital for a week. So I wanted to find a place where we could all collaborate and find places to help other people.
James Buckley:
That’s really, really special because I think so many people would not have the courage to first of all tell that story so willingly and then also become a part of an organization that essentially is constantly calling attention to the trauma that this has caused for you. Uh, so why have all this courage? Where does it come from inside you?
Lindsey Boggs:
I think it’s just something that’s been happening over time. It’s something that once I was in the mental hospital, I realized, okay, I really actually need help. This is not gonna work anymore. I need to get help and I need to seek help. And if I can just help one person get help that they need, then I’ve done my job.
James Buckley:
That’s good. I like that. We like to think of this podcast as a platform where people can tell us their hero’s story. Uh, so I always try to start with like an origin, if you will.
Lindsey Boggs:
What’s the origin story for who you are today versus who you were prior to this traumatic event happening in your life? I think today I’m more vulnerable than I’ve ever been. I would have never ever gotten on a platform and shared the trauma that was my life before. I would have never been in a situation where I would share the bad that’s going on in my life. I was happy-go-lucky, perfect family, perfect life on social media for so many years and I’m now at a place where I can share the bad days and I can be okay with that versus wondering, you know, do I have to post the perfect photo today or do I have to post the perfect life today? And so I think I’ve done a one 80 compared to what I was how I was perceived back then versus now. Did you, did you feel at the time like putting a filter on the negativity was necessary for you to feel like everything was okay prior to this event?
Lindsey Boggs:
Sort of putting things into perspective. I always say that death of any kind really puts things into perspective. My father passed away from Lou Gehrig’s and when that happened, everything about who I thought I was changed. I’m sure you had a similar experience. Can you tell me about it? Absolutely. I know when my sister passed away, everything changed. My whole life fell apart, everything completely fell apart. And I, I remember turning to work because that was something that I knew really well and I wanted to flock to something that was constant and work with constant for me. And I knew that I was good at work. You could dive right, can dive right in. And so for me it was blinders. And I remember my sister was pronounced dead and I grabbed my laptop and started working right by her bedside table. Yeah. And so I, I just remember that that’s what I fought too because it’s what it felt comfortable.
Lindsey Boggs:
Did you feel like it was something you needed at the time, but then leader looked back and was like, man, I probably could have reacted differently. Did you have any regrets? Oh yeah. You reacted. Tell me a little bit about, then I had regrets. I mean, there are things I wish I would have said done. I wished my last texts with my sister were different than they were. I wish that there’s a lot of things I wish, but I’ve known from therapy now that I can’t change the past and I can only live with what happened. And every day I get up and different, you know, I try to live my life as if, you know, it were my last day. Not every day is gonna be like that, but I do to. I look at life differently now. Completely loss has a way of affecting us in lots of different elements of our life. Uh, in some ways memories are become very complicated and very difficult and very emotional for us to deal with. And then in other ways, this anger inside of us because of this loss, this angst to see someone you, you’re never going to see again, tends to take over. And we get very upset about it. Like in some cases, violently upset.
James Buckley:
Loss is such a huge impact. Uh, I always tie it back to the grief that’s associated and the trauma and the longterm damage that this could do. And then there’s this sudden awakening that we have where we say to ourselves, okay, this happened and it’s part of life. And at this point I’ve got to be strong for that person and move on. What would they want? Maybe that’s just me, but do you get a similar sense in the, in the way that I feel like he’s looking down on me all the time saying, wow, you’re doing great. Do you feel the same way?
Lindsey Boggs:
100% and my sister has a son Holden. And so every time I see him, I feel her presence and I just got goosebumps saying it right now. But when I hug him, I feel her presence and I feel, I just feel her there and they look very similar and they act very similar. And there are things like, there are things that I’ve done with him that she would want me to do with him. And so it’s just something that I look forward to. Right, exactly.
James Buckley:
That’s so great. I, I’d imagine you’re quite close to them. Uh, without, you know, diving too much into your personal affairs. How has this affected your personal and professional life? Because I know those two are often so closely tied together and death has a tendency to really impact your personal life and somehow your professional life tends to go up into the right because it’s so easy for us to go, okay, I don’t want to focus on this emotional turmoil right now. I’m going to do this thing. But then suddenly the professional life tends to become part of the background and your personal life tends to be a focus and all these people start rallying around you to support you and tell you they love you and it’s okay. And I’m here if you want to talk. How have you been able to sort of wrap the professional and the personal together after such a traumatic loss?
Lindsey Boggs:
Yeah, great question. I would say that at the time I had only been at the company. I’d worked for Medallia for two weeks after when my sister passed away. And so I do believe, looking back with a lot of therapy and a lot of just spiritual spirituality is that I was in the right place at the right time for this to happen. And that was at the company that I was at. And so I am really blessed. I’m really blessed to have worked there cause they gave me enough time. They gave me the time I needed. They said, come back when you can, if you can. And so I was at the right place. But I think, um, you know, moving forward, it’s really important to have a place where you can go through whatever you’re going through and have the support that you need.
Lindsey Boggs:
And so just as you’re looking at companies to work for, you’re interviewing them as much as you’re interviewing them, you’re being interviewed, right? Yeah. And so that’s really important. And right now I’m at a place where if I need to go to my car during lunch to catch a breath and to meditate, I go and it’s a great place that I can go to. So I think that I’m very open with my team about mental health and I’m very open about, you know, I suffer from PTSD and anxiety and people know that and they know that, you know, medicine is a part of my daily routine and that’s okay.
James Buckley:
I want to talk a little bit about how the company handled this because I feel like that is such an important focus that not enough people are discussing. There is a stigma that comes along with having a traumatic event take place in your life, going through a divorce, dealing with grief or loss. Um, and that stigma kind of comes with an expectation that never shifts. Meaning I find that most companies tend to tell you that, Oh, okay. Like really sorry for your loss field. Take all the time you need, you know, don’t stress. But when you come back there’s a little bit of a different tone involved in that. Well, you’ve been gone for a while and there’s a lot that’s been backed up and how are you going to get through it? Right. And I think that’s a bad mentality. I think that it’s almost folly for the company to then lean really hard on somebody after something terrible has happened. Like losing your sister for example, and then expect greatness to come out of that. You’re not going to get over that after a few days off. You know, to, to deal with that kind of event in your life takes a lot of time for you to make it over that hump. So tell me a little bit about the true blessing of working for a company that understood and supported your need for time to heal.
Lindsey Boggs:
Right. I just will never forget Levi sales was my manager at the time and he’s still a good friend of mine and Haley VI, he was a great, um, just great friends through the whole thing and I’ll just never forget, he just said, come back when you can. And same, same with Nick Thomas and Mandy carbon and all these folks. That just really helped me through, through it. And when I came back there was no like, Oh my gosh, you’ve been gone for so long. Like get it together. But I will say my performance wasn’t what I wanted it to be when I came back, just because the trauma and I don’t know any place where I would have been 100% again, like, how do you am I still, I’m never going to be 100%, you know what I mean? Whoa. If I may,
James Buckley:
I feel like you’re 100% might’ve just changed a little bit. Yeah. You know, I, I think that you absolutely are 100%. It’s just not the same 100% that it once was and that’s not a bad thing necessarily. Just different and that’s okay. Yeah. Um, I think we put a lot of, I think we put a lot of pressure on ourselves to get over it. Right? Uh, I, I did the same thing you did. I dove right into work. And what I realized very quickly was that I needed to be there for my family and it was difficult for me to do. How did your family react to this and when you got back to work, were they still like, Hey, maybe it’s not time yet. You know, I, that’s how my family was, was, you know, you need more time and this doesn’t happen overnight.
Lindsey Boggs:
They were really supportive. My family was with me in the hospital through the whole ordeal. She died of a brain aneurysm and so we were there for everything. But we, um, I, I got text messages constantly every day. I, um, the one thing I didn’t do, looking back that I should have done has gotten therapy sooner. Um, it took me to go to a mental hospital in December. She passed away in September. My mental hospital visit was in December and I wish I had gotten therapy between then, but I didn’t.
James Buckley:
Four months later you realized you needed some, some more serious help. Why do you think you waited so long? I was in denial cause I’m, I’m denial about how it impacted you. Denial. Because I am Lindsey bogs. I can do anything. I’m Lindsey bogs. And I think that’s first of all, kudos for that because it takes a lot to, for people to get there. I think sometimes, um, I don’t know anybody that has had a death in their family and didn’t get impacted long term has, you know, nobody wakes up the next day like ma, you know, kind of is what it is, you know, woo, let’s move on. Right. Everybody sort of changes no matter what that looks like. It’s different for everybody. I know, but I think change happens to us very naturally when we get that new perspective. Suddenly everything else in your life has the volume turned way down and it becomes less important. What kind of priority balancing did you have to do between those, between the time that the incident occurred, the loss took place, your sister’s passing and finding therapy and then after therapy, what did that look like? Ramping back up to society? How long did that take you?
Lindsey Boggs:
Gosh, a year. It took me a year. I didn’t have the right therapist and that’s one of the things that I wish I had known. When you go to find a therapist, it’s not a one and done. And I thought it was because I didn’t know any better. Yeah. And so I stuck with her for a year and it wasn’t until I actually started seeing a person that was right for me that things fell into place. So it did take a really long time. And my priorities before my sister Melissa passed was career was first. And it is some, just being honest, like career was first for me and then my family and, and then me. Um, and then now after that, since working with the right therapist, I’ve got, you know, my, my marriage first, my kids, my career and that’s just how it, that’s how it is now.
James Buckley:
That’s fantastic. It’s amazing to me how that priority, it literally flipped, right? Yeah. Uh, I think that it kinda, I kind of had a similar experience and I think a lot of people do. I wonder for you, was there an element of I’m different in your mind. Did you, were you cognizant, were you aware that your drive was different than it once? Was your thought process shifted?
Lindsey Boggs:
Yeah, I think there was a point where I realized, okay, I don’t have to be responding to this email at 1202 in the middle of the night. It’s okay. Life is very, very short and that was really a big wake up call for me.
James Buckley:
How do you balance your time now with the different priorities and the different perspective? Do you feel like it’s weighted towards hours on the job still or do you feel like there’s a little bit less pressure on the work and a little bit more focused on the family as a result of this?
Lindsey Boggs:
Way more focused on the family. I put my phone away. I literally put it away when I get home and I go on it when they go to bed. I’m, I’m not on my phone nearly as much. I have an app that tells me that I’ve been on it too long or not and I just put it away, but I’ve just trained myself to, one of the things that I’ve done recently that I really think I should share is, um, every night when I go tuck my daughter into bed, I lay with her on the bed and we look up at the ceiling together. And that just helps her free, free, free, free, free throws like Shaquille O’Neal, how to throw it in there. Um, just free flowing her thoughts. And it’s something that I think when you have children and you talk to them face to face, you’ll ask them how their day is going and they’ll just say, fine, it was fine, whatever. But when you lay with them and you look nothing. Yeah, exactly. But it’s something that I really pride myself on and taking that time and that five minutes, five to 10 minutes for my daughter can mean the world to her versus, you know, mommy running around in the morning getting ready for school and you know, just it’s quality over quantity. You know,
James Buckley:
I love that quality over quantity. I couldn’t tell you how many times I’ve thought to myself like how did, did my father’s death even impacted my kids? Cause they were very young when it happened. Uh, how old are yours?
Lindsey Boggs:
Mine are 10 and five. 10 and five. Yeah. So at the time they were seven and three.
James Buckley:
Uh, the conversations with our young ones about loss, uh, those tend to be a little difficult sometimes. Was your young one able to wrap their mind around what had happened? No.
Lindsey Boggs:
No, not at all. He wasn’t able to. And my daughter was very close with my sister Melissa and it’s been really hard and I have a canvas photo of them in her room and we talk about her a lot. And the great thing is that my daughter reminds me a lot of Melissa. And so I just, I hug her so tight and we just talk about what she does remember about Melissa. And, you know, it’s sad there. There’s some things I’m forgetting like what she sounded like or what her hugs felt like. And you know, living with my, you know, just the, the thoughts and having my daughter there, it’s just really helpful though.
James Buckley:
So I always tell people that have experienced a loss that I’ve always believed they never really leave us and that they live on forever in our memories. Right. Uh, and I always say that to people because it helped me get through it to be able to stand outside in East Tennessee and look up at the, and kind of have a conversation with my old man, like I would if he was still laying in the bed dying. Uh, so that was always something that I told people. Um, and I’ve found that a lot of people have been saying that back when they, when they see it. Like, I, I speak to people all the time that I build relationships with and they, you know, uh, just recently I had a friend who had another friend take their own life and she called me right away and was like, you know, I just don’t know how to deal with this. And sometimes people want to try to solve that problem. Like, it would’ve been really easy for me to be like, Oh, you know, it happens in, you just gotta push through. And that’s such a callous, like thoughtless thing to say to somebody. Sometimes you just gotta be an ear, listen to them, empathize with them, and then ask them, how can I help? Is there anything I can do? Do you need me? If you do, call me, tell me about the people in your life that you couldn’t have made it through this without
Lindsey Boggs:
Darlene Kelly, my mom, those folks. I mean, they get me through every day, every day. I talk to them every single day. And there are people there my lifelines when I need somebody they know. Yeah, yeah. And of course my husband. Um, but I, I just.. We should probably redo that part.
James Buckley:
Not at all. No.
James Buckley:
Good. I think it’s funny, right? Um, everybody’s kind of got this support system, right? Yeah. Um, and I think that support system is a good place for you to land when there’s been a loss, like a loved one or family member or even just like turmoil and strife in general in our lives. You mentioned your mom there. Uh, it had to have been difficult for her to, it must have been sort of easing to be able to have somebody that understood your pain in that moment as deeply as your mom did.
Lindsey Boggs:
Yeah. I mean, we have a bond that is like no other because she was there through the whole thing. I was there through the whole thing. My dad and I’m all they have now with my family, with my immediate family, I’m their whole life. And it actually brings a lot of pressure to at times and during that time for me because I want to perform, I want to do everything to fill their gap. Right. And something I talk about in therapy a lot is just making sure I don’t feel the pressure of being all of their happiness because I can’t be, I can’t be that to them.
James Buckley:
Well, it’s unreasonable to try to be somebody happiness. Right. Right. Somebody you can be a contributor to their happiness. I’m sure that there are that every day. Uh, but I find that most people have to find their own ways to find happiness and it doesn’t look the same for everybody. So, you know, tell a little bit about what your sister was like growing up.
Lindsey Boggs:
She was born in long beach, California and I was born in long Island, New York, and we were polar opposites. Yes. Crazy. Yes. She was dominant genes. I’m recessive genes. We were totally opposite in every single way. Um, she was always instigating fights. She was six years older, so I was always trying to follow her around and play with her Barbies. Oh yeah. I was the annoying little sister, 100%. And she just, um, you know, we, we, we fought, you know, as, as siblings do, but we also just, once I got to about 14 years old, we became really close. And then when I went to college, we became very close and then every year we got closer and closer and gosh, it just, I miss her so much. Yeah.
James Buckley:
Yeah. What kind of advice do you have for folks out there that, and forgive me, there are two kinds of people dealing with death. In my opinion. There are people who have a death on the way, uh, for what it’s worth, I consider those people very lucky. I was very lucky to have all the time to say goodbye to my dad. But folks in your situation, not so much. It’s instant and you don’t get a chance. What kind of tools in your tool belt do you have to share with our audience to help get through those times?
Lindsey Boggs:
Literally right now, take out your phone and text the people you love and tell them you love them. Like literally right now, right now.
James Buckley:
Yeah. I don’t have the words to respond to that. I think that that’s something we don’t do enough of. Um, you mentioned earlier that one of the things you wished was different was the last thing that you texted your sister. I won’t ask you what it is that’s quite personal. Uh, but I will say that one of the last things my father said to me was above everything, respect your mother. And there was a time in my life when my mom and I did not get along. I held a grudge for her leaving my father. And uh, I remember very clearly everything about my perspective changed when he said that to me. Uh, and then I met my current wife and we had what we had and when I called my mother, I said, everything is different now and I want you to know, I’m sorry. Did you have a lot of apologies to make to your family for all the things that happened after your sister’s passing?
Lindsey Boggs:
I not as much, no. There, there was obviously the regrets of getting to a point where I should have gotten help and I didn’t because I was too proud. And ending up in a, a mental hospital for suicide was something I wasn’t proud of, but it was such a hellacious year. You know, my sister passed and I ended up in a mental hospital. Suicidal thoughts and I just regret that for sure. Thank you. I am too. I am too. Yeah.
James Buckley:
Yeah. It’s a big overcoming to have those types of thoughts and then come out on the other side still with us. Uh, so, uh, for what it’s worth to you, I think you’re a shining light of Pete for people out there that have been through what you’ve been through or something close to it. Uh, and uh, my advice to you is to stay the course. I think what we’re doing here is definitely incredible and different and helping a lot of people. Um, you know, our, our founder, Tim will always say to me what we’re doing. It could save lives. We could be saving lives just doing this podcast and telling people that there are resources out there and that we love you all right. Like it’s definitely a real thing to say there are people that care for you even if we don’t know you. Right. Um, so tell me a little bit about why. What’s your message for UNCrushed when you go out there and you represent UNCrushed, what’s that message look like when you deliver it and then what impact do you know that it’s had on your ecosystem, your circles, the people that you’ve delivered our message to?
Lindsey Boggs:
Yeah, I would say my message to them is that it’s going to be okay. Just be vulnerable, get the help that you need, take that first step. I mean, the things that I’ve, I’ve seen and heard just from people reaching out to me on LinkedIn about their stories and coming forward and having so many, so many similarities with folks that reach out to me on their story with my story or just being an ear to have them, you know, to listen to their story. That’s huge. And some people just need that ear. And they don’t know where to go. And so I would say it our messages to come share your story or be a part of our community or you know, just listen to other stories and see if you can resonate at all. If you’re going through something maybe there’s, you know, a place that you should start and that should be getting help.
James Buckley:
Yeah. Writing your story out is definitely something I always recommend. Um, it was difficult thing for me when I was deciding on whether or not I was going to participate and add my story to this, uh, because I was worried about how people might perceive me. Yeah. Here I am going on on UNCrushed and telling people that I don’t talk to my biological kids because they don’t think I’m a very good person because of my divorce and because it was an ugly one and there was a lot of contested stuff and uh, well what kind of feelings did you get when it came to sharing your personal story and how you overcame it and going into the hospital having suicidal thoughts? There had to be, or at least I’d imagine there to be both sides of the coin. Some people probably coming to you saying, I didn’t know that about you and I never would’ve guessed and Oh my God, are you, is there anything you need?
James Buckley:
Can I help you? Which is kind of pandering, but at the same time it’s good to get that message out there. There’s this double feeling that we get it. And I think there’s an element of fear for most people sharing stories like ours, no matter what. Right. You’re, your trauma is your trauma. No one can out trauma you. Right. So how was that for you? Was, was there a fear that somebody might come forward and be like, Hey, we don’t really like this kind of content being shared from people that work for us or for people that represent us? Uh, you know, we’d appreciate it if you would not participate in that kind of thing. Like that has to be a real fear for a lot of people or that the opposite of that. Like what’s my family gonna think?
Lindsey Boggs:
Yeah, I think it was both. I remember if you were connected with me on LinkedIn or Facebook and you saw my journey on LinkedIn, you would see sunshine and rainbows up until September, 2016 and then I went dark for a while when my sister passed away. And then all of a sudden I came back in January and wrote this article about going to a mental hospital. And I remember writing it, but I’ve never actually read it because it was a homework assignment from my therapist. And I remember writing it and it felt right to write it, but then I didn’t know what to do with it. And I thought about it for a couple of days and then I just said, I’m going to post it. Maybe it will help one person and the flood Gates open just with so many people reaching out to me and so many, so many people reaching out to me and led me to a TEDx talk on the exact topic. And there was a fear of, Oh my gosh, are people gonna think I’m crazy? Because you think about mental hospitals, you think about crazy people. What is reality is that it’s not, it’s people that need help. And it wasn’t that I was crazy. It was that I actually needed help for trauma and PTSD and anxiety. So there was a big fear
James Buckley:
that recognition is so important. Um, you know, you waited four months before it hit like a ton of bricks, you know, thinking, Hey, I really should get, get some help. When you look at mental health on an overall level, mental illness, mental health, uh, whichever one you prefer. Uh, I, I feel like there’s an element of question there for a lot of people because they don’t understand what that could mean. And I think it means something different to so many different people, especially people that have others in their family that suffer from mental health issues. Right? We might stick those labels on all the mental health issues because we have experience with this one. Right? I’m coming from somebody that, to your point, had a completely normal background, a totally happy childhood, no trauma to be mentioned prior. Uh, this had to be like a real rock for you to kind of jolt you into this element of, I want to say depression, but I don’t know if that’s an appropriate label to put on it.
James Buckley:
Uh, what, what’s the key for you that led you to this life that you have now? Full of acceptance and love and honesty and care for the ones around you. I’m sure that it’s night and day from what you were doing prior to your sister’s passing. So how does that look? What was that process like? And is there something that stands out to you worth mentioning that really was your cornerstone? I could not have got through this if I didn’t take these steps every day in my life. I think publishing the article was the first step that was for me writing it out and getting, I wrote it out, publish it, and then I didn’t look at comments or views or anything for a very long time. Let it live out. I just let it live and I did my assignment, publish it because I felt like it was the right thing to do.
James Buckley:
And then I felt like this big wheat being lifted off of me, that I don’t have to be perfect anymore and that it’s okay. And I think because my sister was so, she did everything that my parents said not to do and I did everything that I was supposed to do. She was rebellious. I think having the perfect just upbringing, letting go and realizing it’s okay to not be perfect and I’m just going to be Lindsey and just let me be authentically Lindsey. And that was such a huge relief for me. And then from there on out, getting therapies, getting the right therapists, getting the right medication, getting the rights community. My circle is a lot smaller than it used to be. And I’m okay with that. I’d rather have a small circle. I have said for years that small circles are safe circles. Um, I think that when we’re building our circles, there’s often this concept of like, I need more, you know, like it’s great to have three or four friends that you talk to all the time about everything.
James Buckley:
But I need like a huge circle of people that are constantly around me. I call this the entourage effect, right? And I think sometimes our emotions tend to get lost in the entourage and that’s a good place for us to hide. And then suddenly we’re alone. All those people leave your house or they all go on vacation or something, uh, or even just, you know, none of them are available today and suddenly you’re alone and you have to confront your feelings. And that can be one of the most traumatic events for people that have experienced a loss or gone through a traumatic event of any kind. Um, small circles are definitely something I would suggest for people that are dealing with grief because small circles are certainly the types of circles that offer the support you need at a very personal level versus sort of this autonomous mob of people that are around you to sort of put their hand on your shoulder. Uh, when the hundred and 50th person said, sorry that about your dad. I wanted to punch everybody that said it to me in the face because you hear it so often and it constantly reminds you of that loss. Right. Um, tell me a little bit about what that grieving process looked like for you.
Lindsey Boggs:
Gosh, lots of crying. Lots and lots of crying, probably lots of unhealthy looking back at photos where I would just literally spend hours on my phone just going through every single photo or going through her Facebook all the way back to when it was created, like Donna Day. It’s just, it was a lot. Um, and then just lots of, lots of crying.
James Buckley:
yeah, well sometimes you just gotta cry it out. Right. Um, and I, I think I tell, I say to people pretty regularly, like, you know, get a good cry and yeah. You know, sometimes there’s events in our lives that are so impactful, they touch our souls and if we don’t get that out of us and really experience that sense of sadness, then we can’t really appreciate how happy we have the opportunity to be later. Yeah. So tell people how they can reach you today.
Lindsey Boggs:
The best place to reach me is LinkedIn. You can find me on LinkedIn. I have a little coffee cup emoji next to my name. I’m sent the best place to reach me.
James Buckley:
That’s awesome. Well, I want to tell you that this has not been something that is easy to do and we really do appreciate the time you’ve taken to come on out and to have this conversation with us. Uh, I know that most people will probably hear this and have a lot to say about their own losses and I think that’s really important. So thank you so much for sharing your story.
Lindsey Boggs:
Thank you so much for having me.
James Buckley:
Absolutely. It’s been a pleasure. If you guys have enjoyed this, don’t forget to subscribe. I think this is one of the most helpful talks that we’ve had on the show because it tackles such a big issue and that issue is deaf because it’s inevitable and one day you’re gonna wake up and have to deal with loss and how you deal with it does shape who you are as a person. So thank you so much for joining us on this episode. Please subscribe to the podcast. We’d love to hear your thoughts. And if you have a story of your own you’d like to share, please submit [email protected] you’ll see a button right there on the top right that says submissions. And that’s where you can tell us your story. We’d love to have you on the podcast. Thanks a lot for joining us.