
“I have chosen to believe that the only option is to fight back”
In light of joining UNCrushed’s Board of Directors, I have decided to share the entirety of my story for the first time. A story that I began writing 3 years ago but only wrapped up this week. Here’s the thing – I’m feeling the tiniest bit anxious. Anxious as to how people will respond to my story or perceive me. Anxious about whether or not this will negatively impact my career. Ironically, these were two of my guiding principles in joining UNCrushed: helping eliminate mental health stigmas, misconceptions and discrimination by shedding light on a topic that is near and dear to my heart. By now, you’re probably wondering, “what is UNCrushed?” We are a non-profit organization dedicated to raising awareness around the many mental health challenges our society faces and how people have overcome them. I’d like to thank the UNCrushed team (Tim Clarke, James Buckley, Janelle Cronk, Lindsey Boggs, Dr. Stephen Odom, Richard Harris, Tiffani Bova, Manisha Gupta & Chief Master Sergeant John “JC” Chacon) for helping provide the courage & platform that I needed to to share my story. Let it be known that this opportunity could not have come at a more perfect time. A time in which I was finally ready to fully embrace my journey and subsequently, my role as a Mental Health Advocate. Here goes…
Much like the legendary boxers Muhammad Ali, George Foreman and Sugar Ray Robinson, I have spent much of my life ‘Inside the Ring.’ What exactly do I mean by ‘Inside the Ring’? It’s the internal & external battle that one faces with a mental health condition(s) such as grief, depression, addiction, bipolar disorder, anxiety or PTSD. My personal experience with being ‘Inside the Ring’ entails navigating a recent period of grief & anxiety. The most difficult aspects of being ‘Inside the Ring’ are that you never know A) when (not if) your opponent is going to show up and B) if the fight is ever going to end. What you do know is that depending on your vulnerability, your opponent has the potential to exact an emotional & physical toll on you. Fighting back or damage control – either one could be the name of the game. In my case, I have chosen to believe that the only option is to fight back. And I’m here to show you how & why.
My first experience with being “Inside the Ring” came early – 7 years old to be exact. Adolescent nightmares and a derailed shot at tying or breaking Tiger Woods’ Callaway Junior World Golf tournament record (yes, this is a true story) evolved into excessive worrying & racing thoughts at home, on the golf course and in the classroom. Even to this day, I still occasionally find myself ‘Inside the Ring,’ both in my personal & professional lives. I am neither too proud, embarrassed or ashamed to admit this. Now, what I am proud of is how I’ve learned to step up and fight back – remember, I’ve decided that this is my only option. By ‘fighting back,’ I mean working with my therapist, turning to my experience & coping skills that I have learned during my Mental Health Advocacy journey, practicing CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), working out almost daily, writing/journaling and leaning heavily on my sense of humor & optimistic ‘always smiling’ attitude that so many people have come to know me for.
Now for the latter half of my ‘Inside the Ring’ experience. In October 2020, I lost my beloved Dad. My best friend. The confident, kind, loving and resilient man, father, husband, friend and business owner that I have and always will aspire to be. I have spent these past 9 months proudly talking & writing about my Dad after realizing that the best way to honor him, is to share his legacy with the world in the most fitting way possible – storytelling; a wonderful skill set that I have come to realize he passed onto me. So stay tuned…many stories await you. Less than one month after losing my Dad, my sweet, beautiful Grandma (and last surviving grandparent) passed away. During this time, I experienced a period of grief far more painful than anything I could ever put into words. In the months that followed, my desire to ‘fight back’ was tested like never before. My desire fluctuated autonomously in that several times, I found myself on the brink of wanting to give up on everything I had ever dreamed of. Each of these occasions was followed by pep talks from my Mom, the real hero in helping me ‘fight back.’ “Remember what you said just minutes after we said ‘Goodbye’ to Dad, Sean? Do you remember? In the most painful moment of our lives, you were the one to tell everyone that “Dad wouldn’t want us to be sad. We will get through this. We will find a way.”
Being able to place pen to paper with these words; let alone reliving the most painful night of my life, serves as a symbol of how far I’ve come. How much I’ve ‘fought back.’ Every time I advocate for Mental Health Awareness, it means that I’m ‘fighting back.’ Each and every time that I’ve been ready to let grief or anxiety take the wheel is representative of the fact that I’m still ‘Inside the Ring.’ The difference this time around? I’m here to ‘Fight Back.’
My name is Sean Kawaguchi and I am UNCrushed.
