“More than ever, I strongly believe that, as humans, we are not intended to live this life alone”
Here we are in 2021, four years later, and I remain a widow. A remarkable number of milestones have been reached whether I was ready for them or not. Milestones of birthdays, lost teeth, sleepovers, and Halloween outfits to name a few.
I wanted to write an update on my experience with grief and how I’ve chosen to move through the loss of my spouse. Recently, on New Year’s Day, my daughters and I celebrated by making vision boards for what we want to be receptive to this year. For my 8-year-old’s vision board, she added a picture of a dad and said she’s now ready to have another. “And if he has a son, that’s ok too as I’d like an older brother”. My mind made a whiplash maneuver when she explained her board. Does this tell you how far she’s worked through her grief in four years? It was a moment of pride considering how much effort it takes to conquer becoming an only parent. With the significant loss of her father, her heart is now open.
For my vision board, I added a symbol of a relationship, as my heart, too, is also now open (no, I’m not interested to rush anything). Thanks to the vision board, we were able to have a conversation about why and what’s important about us having a dad in our family. Dating during a pandemic warrants another blog post and for now, I’m happy with the fact we have reached the other side of our grief and looking to the future. We share a vision for what we want our family to look like.
It has taken due time to reach this junction of releasing the anger to the recent discovery of my Wonder Woman strength. Our family may look different than yours and I am now at peace with that fact. We are stronger for our experience and more thankful for our family and friends. After much self-discovery, these three points have been helpful to heal the hurt.
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Time—I read and was told that time would help heal. It is true that months can pass without feeling any pain. The months then turn into a year and then you have another milestone. More time and years pass.
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Gratitude—I became more thankful for friendships and my family. Taking the time to appreciate and ensure quality time is spent.
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Self-Discovery—A renewed sense of self as I discovered an inner strength that, unaware, I possessed. Being kind to myself—eating well and exercising more. Consider the airplane rule of putting on your oxygen mask before helping others. That absolutely applies in these situations. If I remain positive and continue to better myself, then my daughters literally see those habits and mirror my actions.
For the immediate future, goals include continuing my path for self-discovery and to ensure my physical health reflexes my mental health. My mind is strong and because of that, I was able to conquer the various challenges of becoming a widow.
Do not get me wrong. This is difficult. This takes work on a daily basis. I am a full-time working mom with two kids day-to-day. Do I have support? Thankfully, yes. But in the quiet moments, it is discouraging when you cannot share life with your partner. During times of joy, it is heartbreaking there is no one by my side. When a pandemic hits and hard decisions are to be made, my buddy is not there to bounce ideas off of. Being a widow is a rather lonely existence at times. More than ever, I strongly believe that, as humans, we are not intended to live this life alone. We are meant to have a mate. Your loss does not define you. But you can allow it to help shape you. For now, I remain at peace to raise two girls of 6 and 8 years old. For our future, I look forward to finding that special person to join our family. Yet another life milestone.
My name is Michelle and I am UNCrushed.
